MY "MATES" ICE & GHB.
The relationship you form with your drug/drugs of choice when you're an addict is an interesting one.
Both Ice & GHB were my "friends".
How could I view them that way?
When I took either of these drugs I knew what the result/outcome was going to be. They did what I expected of them and were therefore "reliable".
Now I'm not saying I didn't have reliable friends/family in my life, I had fucking heaps of those.
But the way I saw it was that the drugs would never judge me. I realise now that I wasn't trying to escape the judgement of other people, it was my own self-judgement I was running away from.
My real friends weren't judging at all. They just missed me, wanted me back in their lives and wanted to help me get better.
Ice & GHB are, for addicts, a powerful cocktail. Ice makes you very alert, awake and pumped up. The downside of that is it will make you very on edge and paranoid. That's where G comes in. It's the great leveller. It loosens you up and calms you down. Drawback is there's a very fine line between a good amount and blowing out (overdosing).
It's hard to say which drug I was more addicted to. I certainly enjoyed G more, by the end smoking crack had become a chore. If I had G in my possession but no crack I was ok, but if it was the other way round it was time to panic.
So that sounds like G was more my vice, but I found since getting clean the early on cravings were for crack and not G....interesting.
Crack was a great "friend" early on, always fun, always consistent. But over time he became less and less appealing, yet I HAD to keep seeing him!
G was always the same "friend", he'd help me out when I was in strife, calm any situation, make things more fun (basically because it's a tranquilliser). And that remained the same. I loved taking G.
I had always been an 'all or nothing' type of person and whilst I generally recognised this I could tell myself the craziest shit and believe it.
Before I was an everyday user I remember I would convince myself I could just have a small amount of crack and that would be it. I'd be heading out for a few drinks and beforehand I'd message a friend and see them on the way in to wherever I was going.
"One point, fifty bucks, just to enhance the evening" I would say to myself. Next thing I know I've been up for 4-5 days and spent over a grand.
Funny thing was this happened several times and each time it would start with "just one point".
I remember one 'comedown' well.
I knew Ice was now really affecting my life, I knew I should stop.
I even messaged a couple of friends on the Wednesday saying that I wished them all the best but I couldn't be around them anymore.
Saturday rolled around and I was determined not to smoke crack. I caught up with a friend and we got some GHB in the arvo. G is a depressant so when you're not smoking crack it will eventually make you sleepy.
I got home that night and started thinking about crack, I couldn't help it. I knew I shouldn't do it, but the will to have it was SO POWERFUL!
I had two charges of G 15 minutes apart, for the pure reason of knocking me out so I'd sleep and not get crack.
This was twice the amount I normally take, easily enough to knock me into next week. Yet 10, 20, 30 minutes passed and I felt nothing. My intense need for crack was even to powerful for 6mls of GHB.
I got in my car, drove to a dealer 45 minutes away and bought crack.
This was the moment I knew I was addicted.......
If you are a family member or loved one of an addict you need to read this or share it with them Someone that I love is an addict.