This is a concept that blows most people away. Especially when they start to notice the important role that in plays in how we see ourselves and others, our opportunity to grow.
Generally we tend to like others who are like us or have something in common with. We tend to not like people who are acting in a way that we don’t see as ‘good’ or acceptable.
Why is this? What is the science behind it?
We have different layers of consciousness. You reading this, taking in information and being aware of your surroundings is your conscious mind.
Then next layer is your subconscious mind. This is where your memories are stored, where your belief systems are held and it also takes care of and runs your body.
Your subconscious is said to be millions of times more powerful than your conscious awareness. It is constantly running, even when you are asleep - unlike your conscious mind.
When you look at something, your conscious mind pulls information from your subconscious mind.
So when you meet someone, you may consciously be aware that you like them - but it's your subconscious programming, memories and emotions that has really made the decision.
Someone that you like...
Let’s say you meet a person of the opposite sex. When you meet them, they look very similar too your favourite super model. This immediately triggers some of the same emotions from the past memory of when you saw your favourite picture of that super model.
Or, maybe you meet someone who has done the same course as you, or has a similar style to you. Your subconscious is mirroring back the things that you like about yourself from them.
Someone that you don’t like…
In this instance, perhaps you have met someone and for some reason you don’t like them.
There is just something about them that you can’t quite put your finger on. Do you have a bad vibe from them? To perceive the reality that you are perceiving now you are literally pulling on past experiences. Have a think, have you met someone that reminded you of someone that did something bad to you? Again, you will feel the negative emotions that you felt when that certain person in the past treated you badly.
When someone ‘mirrors’ a behaviour or attitude and we feel repelled by, what actually is happening is that the person that is acting like this in front of you is mirroring - or bringing to awareness a part of you that you don’t like about yourself.
I will explain further. We all are capable and have shown negative behavior, no one is perfect and as we have grown up we have found out by pushing boundaries - seeing if what we do creates a positive reaction or not within our self or others. These learnt behaviours are collected over time. Now if we have found or been told not to act like that and taken it on, or act out of character due to pressure or stress then we are showing that part of us.
Human behaviour specialists actually say that we have all the different traits, positive and negative… we just show them differently at different times.
So when someone presents a perceived negative behaviour, and we don’t like it, they are just ‘mirroring’ a part back to us that we don’t like about ourselves.
How can we best react to this more consciously? Let take a look at what the benefits are…
We can have gratitude for this trait being shown to us. Say to yourself “thank-you for showing me this trait, as you have shown me something that I would prefer not to show in myself”
This person has given you a gift of giving you an emotional charge, this is an opportunity to go within and see where or who this has come from in the past which is now conscious and has an opportunity to be made peace with and released to avoid the recurring emotional triggers.
No, we are not saying that you have to like everyone! What we are aiming for here is that others don’t affect our emotions negatively, we can keep cool and balanced in most situations and resolve past trauma. Not only resolving, but learning from them!
In general the mirror concept is very powerful if fully integrated and understood.
Every interaction is an opportunity to find out where we can better ourselves and it allows us to be more accepting and compassionate of others.
We believe that increased conscious awareness and emotional intelligence is the key to a happier society and are passionate about helping others reach a more peaceful state.