The common saying “time heals all wounds” may be accurate when it comes to physical wounds - but I have to say inaccurate when it comes to emotional and mental wounds.
There are two different types of people that I see on a daily basis when people decide to start a healing program with us;
A person who has put on a mask for most of their life pretending everything is ok - pushing through, getting burnt out, anxious and depressed.
The other type is the person who doesn’t have the energy for the mask anymore, so they are in a complete slump or reliant on some kind of substance or behaviour which numbs the overwhelming feelings that they can’t even manage not to show anymore.
Everyone is actually like this to a degree - but not many are brave enough to actually realise that they don’t have all of the answers and they do need to reach out for help and guidance.
If you look at how our mind works, on a mental level, it spends the day wandering into the past and the future 80% of the time. As the future has not happened yet, we may automatically model it from the past. This means that a part of us expects for the future to be somewhat like the past.
When we get reminded of something in the past, like someone hurting us, then often the emotion hits us again like we were in that moment in time. We can actually feel the pain in our heart that we felt at that time.
Then, as a protection mechanism, we try our best to avoid it and naturally will be fearful of that happening again in the future.
Unfortunately, the catch is that we may keep attracting the same circumstances and types of people that had indeed hurt us from the past in an unconscious effort to heal the original trauma.
As an example to make the pattern clearer for you, think of the people who continuously end up in violent relationships (even if they change relationships). If they finally find a partner who does not hit them, then a part of them believes that makes up for and heals all of the trauma received by the other previous partners.
Before we can heal though, we must become conscious. Think about the patterns in your life that keep repeating. Instead of thinking that you are just unlucky, start thinking about the memories in your past that are essentially magnets, desperately trying to be healed.
It could be repeating money issues (did someone steal your money or were you taught that money is evil?)
Relationship patterns (what are the traits that you keep attracting in the partners that you choose? Does this remind you of any relationships in your earlier life?)
It could be that you keep ending up alone and blaming everyone else, and being alone brings you a lot of anxiety in itself.
The more that you start to realise and decide that you don’t want that particular pattern to occur in your life anymore and are sure that you are open to wanting to work on them - the faster they will stop to repeat so you will be able to create space for better things in life.
Would you like to learn more about anxiety? You might enjoy this article - Can you really heal anxiety?
Time alone doesn’t heal wounds, you have to decide. You cannot just leave your past in the past if it is still haunting you today. Decide that you would like a different way to feel and be in the world.
Specialists in Addiction Recovery (including Ice Addiction) and Mental Health at our Outpatient Addiction Rehab Centre in Melbourne, Australia