When my clients come to see me, whether it be for a mental health concern or an addiction, there is always something they have in common - the feeling that they are not in control of their own life.

They feel they are not in control of their thoughts or their emotions which then leads to their actions and thus their life circumstances.


When we look deeper into these life circumstances we often find patterns that the client has experienced such as abandonment or a form of abuse.

In abusive relationships, whether it be physical or emotional, there is usually a lack of respect - both within oneself and toward the other which stems from a lack of self love.



To respect someone is to have due regard for the feelings, wishes, or rights of others but if you do not love yourself first then it is impossible to give or receive true love and therefore respect with another.



When I say ‘love’ I am referring to unconditional love. A love where you accept every single part of a person with non judgement.  


So I ask you this.. Do you love and accept every single part of yourself with love and non judgement?


We all have that nasty little voice in the back of our head that occasionally makes us question our ability or our self worth but if yours is consistently putting you down or beating you up then it’s not a surprise this is also coming from others.

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Now in no way, shape or form am I saying that mental, emotional or physical abuse is EVER ok nor is it your fault…

... but what I am saying is, you DO have the power to change your current and future life circumstances and it all starts with the way you treat yourself.

That nasty little voice in the back of your head is your subconscious. Our subconscious is where our belief systems are stored which impacts the way we view ourselves and others.



We have many beliefs about ourselves, both good and bad.


Before you continue reading on, please read another one of our blogs ‘5 Beliefs You’ll Be Surprised You Have’ to gain a better understanding of beliefs and how they are formed.


Now that you have more of an understanding about our subconscious belief systems, it may not surprise you that some people have the belief that they are not worthy of respect or that it isn’t safe for them to set boundaries.

If you find yourself in the position where your parents, partner, friends or children are not respecting your boundaries then maybe it’s because you haven’t set them. Maybe you haven’t set them because deep down that voice says you are not worthy of boundaries.

Well I’m here to tell you otherwise! I’m here to tell you that YOU ARE WORTHY OF RESPECT and it’s time to take your POWER back!


Here is an activity that can help you take the first step toward healing and gaining your power back:

  • Find a quiet, private space where you will be free from distraction and make sure you have a pen and paper

  • Sitting or laying down, close your eyes and ask yourself ‘when did a parent or teacher not respect my boundaries?’ and then just allow your mind to lead you there.

Some examples may be feeling forced to read in front of the class by your teacher when you didn’t feel comfortable doing so or your mum reading your personal diary.

  • I then want you to write down all of the things you think he or she needs to hear in that very moment. You may even also like to make some commitments to that younger you.

  • Repeat this process again the following day and until you start to see a change



If you would like to understand more about how you can take further action toward owning your power and being in control of your life then you can find out more about our programs by booking in a Free Initial Consultation.


Written by: Chanel de King, Healer and Therapist at The Centre for Healing.
Specialising in 
Addiction Rehabilitation and Mental Health Programs in Melbourne.